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September 05 2017

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House Windsor: Take note. A challenger approaches. 

Schoolgirl discovers ‘Excalibur’ sword in lake from Arthur legend

A schoolgirl will have quite a story to tell when she returns to the classroom – after discovering a sword in the same lake King Arthur’s legendary Excalibur was thrown.

Matilda Jones, aged seven, from Doncaster, found the sword when she was paddling in Dozmary Pool, in Cornwall with her dad, Paul.

Paul, aged 51, had told Matilda and her sister Lois, four, about the legend of King Arthur on their journey to the lake.

He said: “It was a blistering hot day and Matilda asked if we could go for a paddle.

“She was only waist deep when she said she could see a sword.


Strange women lyin’ in ponds…” and other Dennis the Anarcho-cynical (not a typo) Mud-Farmer quotes notwithstanding, I’d like to think the Lady of the Lake would select the new “Rightwise King (Monarch) Born of All England” by providing something better than a mass-produced and discontinued Spanish SLO.

Maybe this was a trial (though not dry) run - if so, Matilda and her Dad should get back to Cornwall / Kernow ASAP.

Although on second thoughts, last time a Matilda laid claim to the English throne there was civil war and anarchy. In fact there was THE Anarchy, which made for a good novel by George Shipway (”Knight in Anarchy”, what a surprise) but by all accounts wasn’t a lot of fun otherwise.

(The “rightwise king born of all England” business was on the Sword in the Stone (and anvil, everyone forgets the anvil) which apparently wasn’t Excalibur at all. A war memorial, perhaps, as T. H. White suggested. What the Lady of the Lake was waving about was a different sword entirely, and the really important bit was its scabbard, which granted invulnerability, or undefeatability, or a reliable broadband signal 24/7…)

Maybe the one in Dozmary Pool was lost during some Arthurian re-enactment - or maybe it was deliberately chucked away by someone who’d hoped for something better on their birthday, because when I saw what Matilda found…


…I recognised it as this…


…from here.


Noble Collection sells movie merchandise nowadays, but back then they sold decorative wall-hangers (SLOs - sword-like objects - is the less kindly term) made by Marto of Toledo among others, with frequently-spiky fantasy blades, ornate cast pot-metal handles and ooh-shiny! gold plating. However their version of “Excalibur" - it’s there on the cover - looked sensible enough to feature in the TV movie “The Librarian”.

Though the catalogue calls the sword found by Matilda a “medieval two handed sword” it’s based, more or less, on a Renaissance “Federschwert” sparring blunt (the flare above the guard was balance-compensation for not having a full-width blade.)

Here’s a real one.


Not especially Arthurian, whether Arthur was Clive Owen’s Romano-Sarmatian, Oliver Tobias’s Dark Age Celt or Nigel Terry’s High Middle Ages Anglo-Brit.

Apparently there are now also synthetic Federschwert from various sources.

At least they won’t rust when chucked into ponds. The Lady of the Lake likes low maintenance as much as anyone else…

…A little while before dinnertime this groan of “Oh, GAWD” came from upstairs. Then the sounds of the bookshelves being ransacked, and more mutters of “Why couldn’t it have been something nice in the water for her…”

(sigh) Another day in Sword Central.

sword tumblr lies sleeping beneath the hills, awaiting a time of great need

listen i’m not out to ruin fun and jokes by reblogging this version, i’m mostly just impressed that someone recognized this one specific manufacture of a prop sword

Reposted byorelhniklashki-adikokokoniedoskonaloscmamspaczonepoczuciehumorufretkalevune




my friend has one of those really deep wells (like 4 ft deep!) outside of her bedroom window bc her room’s in the basement so any time it rains a bunch of frogs end up trapped down there and I climb down to get them out.

and after a while I noticed that some animal (probably a raccoon) takes its food down there to eat for whatever reason, so there are a bunch of skulls and bones. I have special permission to collect skulls for educational purposes and deliver them to certain people, so now I grab those too.

Well today I climbed down in, found three frogs, and five skulls. So I’m climbing out of this pit with a frog and a ziploc bag full of animal bones and suddenly the fattest pug and boston terrier I’ve ever seen both come over barking

and the neighbor comes over to see what’s going on. and I have these bones and these frogs and I’m like “uh, hey!”

just got my. bag of skulls.

and she says “oh! they told me about you, hahaha! are the frogs okay?”

I’m glad this is my legacy.

it’s worth noting I have to like, put my arms on either side of the well and use my upper body to lower myself into it and then I like duck down and disappear so it HAS to look weird from a distance, no matter HOW many skulls or frogs I come out with.

Truth Coming Out of Her Well to Shame Mankind


Schoolgirl finds sword in Cornish lake where Arthur left Excalibur



Well, looks like Matilda Jones, aged seven, is the new ruler of Great Britain sorry I don’t make the rules.

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Happy Labor Day. Today I learned about probably the first strike to happen IN SPACE.

Reposted byStagelolufomandziaracarlandlouiseanabeepati2k6ankinzupacebulowamarbearmiscreant-at-lifefafnirscaveyouamFlypndevloquemfmfmfKobajashitishkaTamahlmanxxwonkoPaseroVirusFiriathJaswicisfinkreghnodifferencedenianvongoogenlooquekuroinekochrisAnalnyKaramboljaggerkartofelzupamarzenschrodingersdogkapitandziwnypotrzaskpmgmushucampaignerwhovilleki-adiKryptoniteadremdicoinzyniersashthesplashbaskuaDagarhenv3bsopotatoestraycatbrightbyteElbenfreundMissDeWordeschlingelfiffeyrainbowzombieskilledmyunicornYarrickzerocool911SchweinekloetenInfernalServerErrorRaniVo0DoOjanuschytrustonietakaffiabeetleblindtextnomnomnomwd40stopssqueaksnesraitbiruxal




I can’t sing along to Mr. Sandman without singing “man me a sand” and I hate this website

this implies that you listen to mr. sandman at any point outside of memes

It’s an absolute banger of a song, don’t hate

September 04 2017

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hey uhhhh toronto can we talk

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I present to you, literally my favorite yelp review at the SmartPet I used to work at.
It’s called CLOSING for a reason people

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hawkeye vs. deadpool #001

But look at sad Wade.

but why is he sad:

context makes me feel better






what happens if you mix up suburban white mom “i cant function without coffee” facebook culture and edgy anime glittergraphix emo internet culture because i have an idea.

hows this

mind if i make some changes


congrats you managed to make this both worse and much more accurate

September 02 2017

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I met this little fella , yesterday, in Durham Cathedral. Apparently, they sometimes fall,exhausted, or crawl somewhere to rest but find it difficult to get off the ground. Fortunately, Durham Cathedral, has an inhouse bat care team. Durham Cathedral love their bats. The little guy soon perked up. I fell in love with this critter instantly.
#bats #bat #durham #cathedral #durhamcathedral #batcave #batchurch #lovebats #gothic


Reposted bytutus tutus



why was the second death note opening like that


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i want someone who hasnt seen death note to analyze this screen shot and tell me what they think the show is about

a boy is in a band and he has his bandmates over. two of them are trying to convince the other two to dress metal so the cover of their album looks cooler. normal kids mom wants to know if they want any snacks.

very close i’m impressed

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This week’s Director of the Week spotlight features 8 films from German director F. W. Murnau, including his groundbreaking horror film NOSFERATU (’22). Inspired by Bram Stoker’s Dracula, this unauthorized adaptation not only showcases the best features of German Expressionist cinema, but inspired countless horror films over the last 95 years. 

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Employers threaten their workers with being fired if they don’t come to work despite deadly weather conditions. It’s sickening and not inspirational.

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the gaming chamber

catch me in here during nuclear fallout playing ff14

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Early development version of Street Fighter EX

Protagonist and Cashew Snider are my favorite SFEX characters

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Reposted bywebomatic webomatic
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The scariest part of Halloween is how anatomically incorrect these decorations are.


listen, sometimes necromancers get bored, and there’s always lots of little bones laying around….

“Gonna make a bone spider”



I work in a government-funded spider research lab at a top university and we have this in our lab:

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